#anyway this response was a lot longer than i thought it would be u_u as per usual

[s1ll13rg00s3]

Sorry if my english is not very good. I am not the same anon, but piqued did do this before, and her apology really seems like she's more concerned with her reputation than anything?

She even did the same to the people calling bi women dick worshippers and shit at first. She coddle them, say that she'll always empathize with them even if they choose to express themselves in "unfavorable ways", say that lesbians can't harm bi women anyways so what's the problem, that they are just tired of bi homophobes and we should have compassion for them, and make several excuses on their behalf like that. Message is clear she "condemns their behavior" but she is still treating them as people like the ones who need defense.

I do get why lesbian loneliness tugs at her heartstrings and I do get why that is first instinct. But first instinct is not beyond critique sorry.

I want her to understand what having our abuse belittled and ignored in turn is something a lot of bisexuals go through and also makes us suffer a lot. We also have hearts and we also have community traumas and this is an important one. So many of us are rape victims and our sexuality is used against us in response. She seems to think that attack on bi rape victims is fine thing to publish, and people should have taken her ignoring it for disagreement. i do not see how anything about the lesbian loneliness thing makes that logic make any sense, how does that make it so ignore equals disagreement?

but ok even in that alternate reality. Does she not think it is triggering for us to see comments like that? Does she not think ignoring as if it was nothing important still is really hurtful? and is still part of the the system that treats us bi rape victims as worthless and nothing? Maybe it's not what she thinks, it's how she treats that matters. She says she is sorry but I am not sure what she is sorry about if she still thinks this part is not an issue and bisexuals are being annoying and demonizing her over nothing? It very confuses her apology. Maybe she thinks her mistake is she was not clear and we misunderstand that she agrees entirely with her anon. That is one problem, but treating the attack on our trauma like is this is just relatable venting to ignore is itself very cruel and shows you don't think our trauma matters that much.

And even if she is sorry and understands now, we are still allowed to feel hurt that she treated us like that in the first place. If she didn't want us stupid bi rape victims to have strong feelings about it maybe she shouldn't have posted it. Or she could have clarified herself. That ask was up for a week before she got called out. Didn't look like she gave two shits how it affected bi people before that, she only came here to defend her reputation it feels like, and she only respond to people being positive to her like she thinks our anger and hurt is stupid and unreasonable. So adding that and her previous behavior just not sure how sincere she is even if she is very nice and polite.

I dont know much about her views beyond the single conversation I had with her a few weeks ago so I can't speak to anything she may have said in the past.

I think its fine to be upset, like it's very hurtful to see the sexual trauma inflicted upon an entire group be minimized. I do see the sexual violence against bi people as a systemic issue, there isn't a bisexual person I know (male or female) who hasn't been sexually assaulted... but even if it wasn't systemic, when is making light of sexual violence ever "punching down"?

You could be right and maybe she just wants to look good and the kindness and understanding was mainly lip service, but I don't think she has any ill will towards bi people but is just someone who doesn't want to be the bad guy so she avoids addressing uncomfortable topics. I do agree that when you do that it is up to individual interpretation what your stance on an issue is and so you will probably end up at least indirectly cosigning something you dont agree with... but it's also something I've done in the past irl to avoid conflict so I'm sympathetic, it's uncomfortable to feel torn between hurtingor upsetting someone you don't want to hurt (especially if you identify with them on a deep level) and condoning things you think are wrong, and I know I personally wouldn't want to be judged based on moments like that instead of my own words.

Honestly, my general feeling (not regarding bisexual issues or feminism but kind of anything leftism in general) is that we can be really quick to write people off who are not perfect but also who don't really want to meet us in opposition. Like I said, if you are hurt I don't think its your responsibility to be building any bridges regardless of if the harm was intentional or not. But if you're not hurt, it can really only do good to try to find common ground, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, you know?

Given the current information I have I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe people who have more information than I do are going to see things differently.